Sharp Teeth = No Bite

Sharp Teeth

Sharp Teeth (2006) is a horror “comedy” involving a mutated carp in a local lake that drags people to their watery grave for dining purposes. Mind you, the lake is full of crap, uh, carp, but only one seems to be adversely affected by the toxic waste run-off by the nearby nuclear power plant.

All the girls in this movie are, how shall I put it, robust and reverse attractive. They have big boobs, which they’re always squeezing, flashing and the public displaying. (Sharp Teeth was made by a chick. If a guy did it, everyone would be saying he was objectifying women. Since a chick made it, she’s “celebrating the female form.”)

Sharp Teeth

Twenty people get taken out by the rubber novelty carp (though you never get to see it), yet no one seems to notice the disappearances in the small town. Zero blood, less than zero attempts at humor, no nudity, rummage sale special effects… Did I leave anything out? I’d say nice try, but it wasn’t.

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