Thong vs. Wrong

The Witch's Curse

In The Witch’s Curse (1963), an Italian fantasy horror sword ’n sorcery thong fest, a freshly-married couple arrives in a Scottish village (where no one has an accent) and everyone believes the woman of them to be the reincarnation of a 500 year-old witch. So burn they must.

The Witch's Curse

But wait, isn’t that Hercul…uh, no, guess not. It’s Maciste, a man of strong man in a thong. He’ll tell us what to do. He half-ass rescues the couple and in order to get to the bottom of this witch B.S., he goes to a cursed tree, pushes it over, revealing a well-lit hole that leads to…HELL. What the heck – another adventure.

The Witch's Curse

Descending into the Earth’s alimentary canal, Maciste (what a metro name) battles a Sasquatch Wild Boar Man, who gets in a few slobber-knockers. Then he runs into another Hercul…uh, a strong man in a thong, whose chained up with a vulture eating/pecking his guts. That doesn’t stop him from carrying on a conversation with Maciste, though. Maciste also takes on a lion, a giant ogre, a cyclops and a herd of charging Texas Longhorns (!) before forcing the witch to lift her curse.

The Witch's Curse

Meanwhile, the married couple on the Earth’ surface are being burned at the stake. Can Maciste get there before this campfire banquet reaches its charcoal-y conclusion? Is there a way to possibly make it rain on the fire but not everyone else? Will Maciste ride off into the sunset on a horse that’s clearly not his? If you can’t figure out the answers to these burning questions, I hereby curse you for 500 years.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: