Pyro Python

Fire Serpent

When the sun farts, the earth smells it, and gives us a taste of what it had for breakfast, oh, about a billion years ago. It takes eight minutes for the light and heat of the sun to reach our beaches. But through the magic of television, it gets here in eight seconds.

But it isn’t heat the sun just instant messaged us with – it’s a fired-up life-form that’s seeking fuel (i.e., snacks) to stoke the burning flames of hunger within. (Excellent fire metaphor – swish!)

Fire Serpent

The flame entity can get inside your body and use it to do cool stuff like shoot heat flames out of the owners’ eyeballs and burn people in half, which it does. It can also go up poles and along wires, and occasionally take the form of a dragon with a mouth and teeth. What fire needs with teeth, I’m not sure; I’ll study the sun later by staring at it intently for an hour for clues.

Fire Serpent

The government knows about these fire creatures and once caught one ’ol hot heads. Speaking of, the head Fed thinks its a divination from the bible (Leviticus 10:1), and is trying to help it fulfill its prophecy, which is to cook everything on high.

Fire Serpent

Dutch, a retired firefighter, has been stalking the entity for decades, every since it burnt up his chick girlfriend. That made him really hot under the collar. (Dutch is played by Randy Mantooth, who starred in the ’70s TV series, Emergency, where he was a fireman. This is how he got the part, because he had previous experience with flames.)

A modern firefighter is coached by Mantooth (again, darn cool name) after his best friend died from a flame-y explosion caused by the Fire Serpent. Then there’s a hot chick Federal agent whose hot on the trail of everyone.

Fire Serpent

The title creature in Fire Serpent (2007) looks like flatulence after you light it. The acting, while not terribly painful to watch, is serviceable. The story line seemed over complicated, but a nice departure from all the brain-dead crap I normally watch. Forgettable sci-fi, but it was cool to see Sir Mantooth back in action.

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