Glam Space Robots

War of the Robots

The Italian-made War of the Robots (aka, La Guerra del Robots/1978) looks like a junior high school production of Battlestar Galactica and employs some of the worst sub-budget special effects this side of the singing toilet paper holder in my bathroom that plays “Wipeout” every time I need a PMT (“Personal Moment Tissue.”)

War of the Robots

Hum-bots (looks like humans, made of robot) on the dying planet of Atheron are causing headaches for everyone, especially after they kidnap a space commander’s girlfriend and a genetic scientist. (The Hum-Bots, it should be noted, all have Prince Valiant hair styles and wear shiny silver suits licensed from ABBA. Not sure why robots need hair – it’d rust when you shampoo it.)

War of the Robots

The chase leads the space troopers to Atheron and a battle with ray guns ensues. The rescuers, however,  find the girlfriend and professor have been named the planet’s Emperor and Empress and are now doing evil stuff. (That didn’t take long for them to renounce their goody-goody Earth ways.)

War of the Robots

But wait – a sweet long con is being played. The girlfriend fakes being evil (or is she faking being good?) and they all take off in plastic spaceships. An army of UFOs goes after or “pursues” them. Thanks the stars somebody had a copy machine – one spaceship turns into 43 at the push of a button. And when spaceships are blasted, they explode silently in a burst of light, leaving no debris. The future is so clean.

War of the RobotsWar of the Robots is a painful sci-fi experience. There were only seven blonde robots, but since they all look identical they were re-used throughout the movie. (I watched the same guy get killed 17 times.) The UFOs look like they were modeled after Space Invaders ™. The space helmets look like old radio tube transistors. And those glittery clothes – Liberace must be rolling around Uranus.

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