Earth-Sucking Robot


A giant robot looking like a giant Lego™ has arrived on Earth to suck it dry of all its energy resources. I didn’t know robots could be Republicans. Such is the premise of Kronos (aka, Kronos, Destroyer of the Universe /1957), a sci-fi classic.


So how did the bolts and nuts sucker get here? Start with an incoming UFO that scientists are monitoring that they think is an asteroid. It’s headed straight towards Earth, so we do what we do best – shoot bombs at it. Direct hit, nothing happens, even thought the warheads were pure USDA-grade atomic boom booms.


The UFO shakes it off and resumes its course. The newscaster tells us not to panic and that it won’t hit New York. Then the UFO hits New York. Just f’n with you – it goes into the ocean just off a Mexican beach. Aiyeeee! 


Two dude scientists and a supermodel chick scientist head there to see what’s what. After much plot stalling, the ocean glows white (not surprising as the movie was filmed in black and white) and out pops Kronos – 100 feet tall and full of Earth-sucking fury. (Note to scientists: Kronos gets bigger as he consumes our Earth juice.)


While Kronos is heading towards all of Earth’s nuclear plants and getting his suck on, the Mexican Air Force moves in to nuke Big K. Incorrecto, amigos – that’s what Kronos eats.


One of the scientists theorizes they need to drop reverse energy particles on Kronos to booger up his sucking power, thereby causing the mecánico monster to explode into particles.


Footnote: Kronos was transported here by an alien race that has sucked all its own natural resources dry, with the plan to have K absorb ours and bring it on home. Sorry alien dick heads – we’re doing that on our own just fine.

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