Rayning Blood

Bloodrayne

In Bloodrayne (2005), Rayne, a half-chick/half-vampire is liberated from a carnival freak show (spelled “carnaval” for authenticity sake), so she may continue on her quest to stab her father in the face for killing her mother.

Bloodrayne

Dad just happens to be King of the Undead and is seeking three talismans – an ashtray, lucky mood ring and a can opener – to complete the ritual that will make him a super vampire. (OK, so he actually needs an eye, a rib bone and the heart of an ancient vampire.)

Bloodrayne

Assisting Rayne are three vampire hunters who have a stronghold called Brimstone where they train and perfect vampire hunting techniques, like chest stabbing, stomach stabbing, and the all important face stabbing.

The plot stalls halfway in with a pointless and cheesy appearance by Meatloaf (they should call him Hamloaf) as a decadent vampire with a chamber full of naked chicks and a house full of party guests that partake of the refreshments (human kegs).

Bloodrayne

Limp but gory fight scenes happen every nine minutes, linked by overly complex sub-plots and clunky dialogue (“My companion seems to be missing; I do not know what has become of him…”)

Bloodrayne

The grand battle at the end with Rayne about to be dissected by Kragan is splendidly graphic in its goriness. This is good. The acting, not so good. Best part: EVERYBODY dies, except Rayne, who should give up hunting vampires while striking fashion runway poses and go back to work at the circus.

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