The Park

Years ago a little girl dies after falling out of a Ferris wheel. (She was probably on drugs at the time and thought the ride was a vertical merry-go-round.) The ensuing grief causes the town’s amusement park to shut down. If Disney™ shut down every time someone died on one of their rides, we’d never get to feel up the Little Mermaid’s mom.

The Park

But what is an abandoned amusement park thought to be haunted by ghosts but a magical place just begging to be explored? Screw Disneyland™ and their defective rides – this is the happiest place on earth.

The Park

Spin forward to today: A young Asian hottie loses her brother in…THE PARK, so she goes into… THE PARK to find him. Mysteriously, all the lights and rides come to life as if someone hidden from sight had turned them on with a mystical switch or button. It’s all but said out loud that this place is owned and operated by Satan. (Maybe that’s why the cotton candy costs a hellish $6.66.)

The Park

That’s all I know about The Park (aka, Chow lok yuen/2003), an inherently dumb “horror” movie with tired special effects. As it was originally filmed in 3D and I made the mistake of renting the special edition version and didn’t have those cool paper glasses with one red eye and one blue eye to view it properly. Everything looked blurry. I just thought it was the malt liquor. I think I saw a digital ghost, though. More likely a solid fart.

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