Phantasm Ravager Has Big Balls

You know how life totally sucks and then every once in a while something comes along to make things not so totally sucky? The announcement that not only is there a new Phantasm movie, but that it’s already done and gearing for release, is one of those somethings.

Filming completely off the radar, Phantasm Ravager (cool flippin’ title) is the fifth and final Phantasm movie, one of the coolest horror franchises ever. How they did this without anyone blabbing all over the Internet is almost as astonishing as the sequel itself, of which promises us the biggest sphere of all. (Think Godzilla-sized pinball.)

Phantasm, released in 1979, pitted an ice cream truck driver and friends against the Tall Man, the iconic otherworldly undertaker that robs graves and takes the dead bodies into his dimension, squishes the corpses into hooded zombie dwarves, and brings them back to life. And why does the Tall Man do this? To take over the world. Duh.

And Reggie Bannister, the ice cream truck driver? Easily right up there with Ash of the Evil Dead series as a regular guy going against horrific, apocalyptic and supernatural throw-downs, all the while getting in a few good one-liners and driving a seriously cool car – a 1971 Plymouth Barracuda. (The ice cream truck was pretty cool, too, especially since it’s refrigerated – heh.)

So what’s the deal with Phantasm Ravager? Still stars Reggie, our fav hero. Still stars the original Tall Man. Still written by original writer/direction Don Coscarelli. Still features those insane flying chrome spheres that sprout Swiss Army knife sharp things that drill into your face and pump out the yellow goo that used to be your thought goo.

And just when is Phantasm Ravager scheduled for release? Got bumped out to 2016, probably because they needed more ball polish. Okay, that didn’t sound right.

P.S. Here’s your binge homework for the week: Phantasm (1979), Phantasm II (1988), Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994), and Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998).