Fruit-Flavored Witches

Cherry Tree

The new horror movie Cherry Tree (release pending, 2015) – not to be thought of as a sequel to the horroresque Cherry Tree Lane (2010) – is an odd title for a movie about witches, dark rituals and…gasp!…pregnancy. That is so icky.

So in Cherry Tree, a female hockey coach turns out to be the head of a centuries-old witch’s coven. (I knew I didn’t like hockey for a reason. And don’t get me started on goat-worshipping basketball players.)

Anyway, this hockey team/coven uses cherries from an ancient cherry tree to bring life back to the dead and dying. Not surprising cherries can do that; those little round flavor bombs with pits that can chip your teeth are good for you. And cherry juice tastes good in cocktails. Not in beer, though.

Coincidentally, a gal named Faith (seriously?) finds out her dad is dying. So she gets offered a deal by Team Coven to cure her dad in exchange for a newborn. Seems like an equitable arrangement. But soon Faith finds herself preggo and the fetus growing at an accelerated rate. Again, thank cherries – those things are, like, superfood.

But as with every bargain struck by an evil hockey team, there is a price to be paid – and it isn’t the Stanley Cup™. Nope, Faith and her fruit-cured dad have to do battle with the coven and hope humanity doesn’t end up in the penalty box.

Yep, kinda bored today.

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