Horror: Lather, Rinse, Repeat

The Redwood Massacre

The best thing about being a decades long horror movie fan is that I’ve seen almost everything. The worst part about being a decades long horror movie fan is that I’ve seen almost everything. And not everything as in every horror movie ever made. (My couch would graft itself onto my DNA.) Nope, I mean every horror plot device – of which there are only five – to come down the pipe.

Take The Redwood Massacre, hitting DVD and VOD on July 7th, 2015. Everything, from it’s generic slasher title to the premise of five teens partying in the woods, to the masked killer with an ax has been done so many times before, it’s beyond laughable. But feel free to laugh, anyway.

First, why YET ANOTHER slasher? In the face of those real weirdo nut-cakes on the news that do far worse, any horror movie slasher now just comes across as cartoonish.

And the five teens in the woods? That’s is so cliched it’s like the writer of The Redwood Massacre didn’t even take the cap off his pen.

The Redwood Massacre

Want more proof? Here’s the plot: “For five adventurous friends, visiting the legendary murder site of the Redwood House has all the hallmarks of being an exciting and thrilling camping weekend. A popular site for revelers and party-goers, each year on the exact date of the famous local family massacre, people from around the country head out to the site to have fun and scare each other. Events take a bloody turn for the worse when the innocent campers discover the Redwood legend is in fact a horrible, bloody reality, which turns the unsuspecting victims into prey for a mysterious ax-wielding maniac who has remained dormant for 20 years.”

Axe-wielding masked psychopath on a killing rampage. Hmmm – where have we heard of that before? I know – EVERYWHERE. Case in point – here’s IMDB.com’s description of 1974’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, made over 40 years ago: “Five friends visiting their grandfather’s house in the country are hunted and terrorized by a chain-saw wielding killer.”

To illustrate just how simple it is the come up with a horror story, go to PlotGenerator.org.uk and simply fill in the form field. Takes a minute or two. Then click the “Write Me A Horror Plot” button at the bottom and, presto – you just came up with The Redwood Massacre.

P.S. Scarecrow’s stylish headwear in Batman Begins (2005) beat the mysterious ax-wielding maniac in The Redwood Massacre to the fashion runway by a decade.
Scarecrow

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