Loving The Dead


Messed. Up.

How else to describe the story of two bored teenage boys who break into an abandoned mental institution, find a basement door rusted shut, pry it open with a crowbar (all mental institutions have plenty on hand), and come across (ahem) a nude, feral-looking woman strapped to a table, and decide to keep her as a love slave?


They discover she can’t be killed after one of the boys, while having his, uh, romantic way with her, “accidentally” strangles her, breaking her neck and causing plum-colored bruises. The other teen, overcome with an icky feeling about how this is all wrong, decides, hey, not cool.


The horny dude lets another friend in on the secret, and the next thing you know, the woman has a bunch of new boyfriends. Pretty distasteful stuff, until the school football jock bullies find out about it and are goaded into “gang dating” the woman. You have to avoid being bitten by her as it will make you dead but still alive. Your innards will rot completely out of your butt, though.


The emo teen, thinking a living girl might make for a better relationship, makes emo eyes over the high school hottie, but she’s having none of it. This coincides with the other guys deciding they need a new dead girlfriend because this one is worn out. If you can add one plus the other one, now would be the time to do it.


Despite Deadgirl’s (2008) repugnant subtext, those guilty are paid back in spades. And hey, there’s even some dang funny moments not involving the undead girl that will help take your mind off the subject matter. You’ll need it.

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