An Ode To Rubber Monsters

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit (2009) is a comedic homage to Japanese giant rubber monsters, though I fail to see the point about making fun of giant rubber monsters. I’m thinkin’ oxymoron.

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit

Nevertheless, world leaders have gathered for another windbag summit, right about the time Guilala – a giant creature with some Godzilla pointy things on his back, a horizontal flat face a horn and two perfectly straight antennae that probably gets all the channels – shows up to crash the party. The monster was brought back from outer space as spore and, when exposed to Earth’s atmosphere, grew into the mega-tall dumbass he is today.

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit

The G8 Summit leaders decide to help Japan from becoming a demolition derby. Japan fails with their use of controlling magma and earthquakes. Russia fails with Polonium 20, a poison so strong, it can kill anything. (Don’t know what Russia’s czar was thinking – I’ve eaten sandwiches that were more toxic.) England fails because, well, they’re England. (Their plan was to drop giant headphones on Guilala and pipe in thought-disrupting frequencies. In the States we call that heavy metal.) Then someone gets a bright idea to cover Guilala in a huge sheet of Saran Wrap™ and pump pink-colored gas into his lungs.

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit

The monster thinks their attempts are hysterical and laughs out loud. Time to call out the nuclear warhead, which may or may not kill Guilala. But everyone’s fresh outta ideas. Fortunately, the villagers nearby do a song and dance routine to invoke the mighty Lord Take-Majin, a multi-armed golden deity who grows from a small statue holding a fire extinguisher and an umbrella, to equal size and weight of his opponent.

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit  Take-Majin appears right as the nuke arrives – and sticks it right into his own golden rump. A momentary distraction as Take-Majin, um, shoves the missile all the way in and farts. Not making this up. I really wish I was. Guilala gets in a few good pops before Take-Majin cuts G’s head off as though it were a pimento loaf. Japan is safe once again from itself.

Monster X Strikes Back: Attack At The G Summit

There’s some other stuff going on involving a supermodel news reporter and a mad scientist with a gang of giggling supermodels, called the Pleasure Squad. But don’t let yourself get distracted or you won’t be able to appreciate the subtle nuances of Guilala’s ping-pong ball antennae.

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