Horror Appetizers

Dark Summer

In the mood for generic horror? Hey, who among us isn’t? That’s kind of a snarky set-up as there’s rarely anything new in horror, from title to plot. But heck, I’d rather watch a cookie-cutter horror movie than a chick flick anyday. And documentaries that aren’t about UFOs or Bigfoot? Not gonna waste my time, man.

So, here’s a few more to distract you from watching educational and or com/rom films…

Dark Summer (2015)
“While home alone under house arrest, a teenager undergoes a terrifying brush with the supernatural in this stylish, hair-rising horror film.”

I bet the terrifying brush with the supernatural is her having to grow up and find a job.

It Follows

It Follows (2015)
“For 19-year-old Jay the fall should be about school, boys, and weekends at the lake. Yet, after a seemingly innocent sexual encounter, she suddenly finds herself plagued by nightmarish visions; she can’t shake the sensation that someone, or something, is following her. As the threat closes in, Jay and her friends must somehow escape the horrors that are only a few steps behind.”

They had me at innocent sexual encounter, although close encounters of the sex kind are rarely innocent. At least that’s what Christian websites tell you. Yet another reason to have sex.

Army of Frankensteins

Army of Frankensteins (2015)
“After a failed attempt to propose to his girlfriend, Alan Jones is beaten to within an inch of his life by a street gang and taken to a mysterious lab where Dr. Tanner Finski and his kid genius assistant perform horrible experiments on him hoping to re-animate a Frankenstein. The experiments lead to a hole being ripped in space and time, manifesting an army of Frankensteins from hundreds of parallel universes and sending them all back to the 19th century, directly into the heart of a bloody battle between the North and South.”

OK, this one sounds pretty cool. Really wish they’d quit using “Frankenstein” to indicate monsters. It should be “Frankenstein’s Monsters” as Dr. Frankenstein was the crazy S.O.B. who built the creature from scratch.

Frankenstein's Army

P.S. Try your hardest not to confuse Army of Frankensteins with the similarly titled Frankenstein’s Army, a Hellrasier-ish (1987) and surreal sci-fi flick that came out in 2013 and features some of the coolest monsters this side of Silent Hill (2006).

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