Alien Rock Spiders

The real surprise wasn’t that we discovered extraterrestrial rock spiders on the moon, it’s that we never brought ’em back and figured out how to make money off them.

Apollo 18, a top secret three-man moon landing mission back in the ’70s, was a Dept. of Defense grocery run. What they instructed the astronauts to do is set up a bunch of cameras to “spy” on Russia. Kinda hard to do when the Russians already have a lunar module just around the crater, it’s pilot found dead and his corpse drained of any and all vodka.

Doesn’t take long before interrupted signals, U.S. flags uprooted and lunar rovers looking like a destruction derby start rattling the nerves of the two guys on the moon’s surface. (The other guy was orbiting and thanking the lucky stars around him that he wasn’t being attacked by rock spider aliens).

As “found footage” goes, the recreation of the moon landing and authentic look of our most boring space neighbor, is pretty cool. And even as kinda neat as the spider aliens are, all we get to do is watch the astronauts’ impending doom. The Dept. of Defense throws in an obvious twist, something you could’ve seen from Mars. But without more backstory, Apollo 18 (2011), as ambitious as it is, lands on a flat surface. Kinda like the moon, home of alien rock spiders who have no respect for the American flag, those hippies.