Le Devil Worshippers


One moment you’re getting obnoxiously drunk in a nightclub, starting fights and getting a bottle broken over your face, then the next thing you know, your eyes are being scooped out and the sockets sewn shut by a rural France family that worships Sheitan (French for “Satan.”) I can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me.


In Sheitan (2006), three severely obnoxious guys and a chick are invited to a house way the HELL out in France’s countryside by a severely gorgeous gal. Her handyman dad  is uncomfortably friendly and his Defcon 4 pregnant wife, who is so ugly even makeup won’t stick to her face, is getting ready to burp something out at the stroke of midnight.


During their stay, bits and pieces of obnoxious guy’s clothes, hair and skin are used to fashion a voodoo doll of sorts. All that’s needed are a couple of eyeballs. Skin-crawlingly odd, the ickiest part comes when the mom gives birth on the kitchen floor. Best not to eat before, during or after this scene. Ever.


As for the hot chick, she displays her magnifique blouse bouncers. As for the obnoxious guys, one gets his face beaten into crème brulée by the handyman, who, racing against the clock, dispenses with the niceties and frantically pursues the lucky one chosen to donate his peepers for the cause. The hills have eyes. The handyman’s devil kid has eyes. The obnoxious guy does not. Sucks to be him.


You will oui oui your pants when you see the handyman making out with his wife who looks like a dude with a wig. Creepy, weird, pee shiver inducing. Not sure if any of that is a good thing.

2 Responses to “Le Devil Worshippers”

  1. Reading that made me laugh. Great write up

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