Vampire Town

Salem's Lot

Originally a four-part mini-series on television (or “TV”), this thorough 2004 remake fleshes out Stephen King’s best-selling novel about a small town plagued by a vampire and punches the corny 1979 Salem’s Lot right in the neck.

Salem's Lot

Four hours long, the story begins with published author Ben Mears (Rob Lowe) returning home to Jerusalem’s Lot to do a book on the feared Marsden House, where as a kid on a dare, he witnessed several murders and was scared so bad he loaded his metaphorical pants. Ben wanted to rent the decrepit huge mansion up on the hill overlooking the town, but a vampire signed the lease first. (Probably with a pen filled with blood.) Very convenient having Ben and the vampire show up at the same time.

Salem's Lot

Soon several school kids turn up missing. Then several townsfolk. Then the whole dang community is one zip code away from becoming Vampire Town. (I could’ve used the word “City” or “Ville,” but I stick by my first choice.)

Salem's Lot

With four hours to kill (sorry) the movie really gets a chance to define King’s well-crafted characters, although they all talk like they were reading directly from his book. When it happens, the vampire stuff is kinda cheese ball (the garish display of fangs, the hissing of breath like a punctured water bed, screaming like a little girl when impaled with a wooden stake).

Salem's Lot

This is a rare instance where the story is better than the monster. Several scenes, though, are pretty cool, including the creepy vampire kids on the school bus and a housewife’s dead body coming back to life in the morgue. (Thankfully someone had the frame of mind to construct a crucifix out of tongue depressors or there could’ve been big trouble.)

Salem's Lot

The best line comes after the vampire (Rutger Hauer) convinces a priest to renounce his faith. When the defrocked dude asks him, “Is there a God?” Hauer replies, “Only the God that feeds you,” and makes the past pastor drink his vamp-y blood. Cool.

Decent horror, great story and a “ville” full of bloodsuckers. I’d move there. In the daylight, though, because hey, vampires.

Salem's Lot

P.S. The vampire in the 1979 movie was/is way cooler than the 2004 version vampire. This tooth is evident Heh.

3 Responses to “Vampire Town”

  1. Great!
    Vampire Town . . .
    Now I have Lipps Inc doin’ a new version in my head.

    Gotta move on
    Gotta move on
    Gotta move on

    A-won’t you take me to Vampiretown?
    Won’t you take me to Vampiretown?
    Won’t you take me to Vampiretown?
    Won’t you take me to Vampiretown?

    And we all know the only thing that sucks worse than a vampire is disco!

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