Beverly Hills Sharks

90210 Shark Attack

In the schlock-y vein of Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012), in which our apex predator pals tear into a bunch of self-centered egomaniacal Jersey Shore types, comes 90210 Shark Attack (releasing February 2015), hopefully doing to a bunch of self-centered egomaniacal Beverly Hills types what we pay to see them do. And just like Jersey Shore Shark Attack a plot is simply not needed. But for obsessives, here you go…

“A group of entitled Beverly Hills oceanography students arrive at a mansion in Malibu to study local ocean waters. One by one, the students begin to disappear, murdered by some flesh-shredding entity, leaving wounds similar in nature to a shark attack. But how is that possible when the nearest ocean is a half-mile away?”

90210 Shark Attack

OK, wow. Entitled (!) oceanography students go to a mansion to study ocean waters? And why would a shark go to Beverly Hills in the first place? To shop? And with parking at $2.00 per twenty minutes (citing the City of Beverly Hills 2014 Department of Administrative Services), what shark can afford to leave his or her vehicle there while dining at Villa Blanca (price range $31 – $60, serving Italian, Mediterranean and Asian foods, and is perfect for a romantic meal) or on its patrons?

Malibu Shark Attack

If you’re looking for a slightly better Los Angeles beach brunch, give Malibu Shark Attack (2009) a look see/sea. A tsunami floods coastal L.A., paving the way for prehistoric goblin sharks to swim inland do some gobblin’. Heh.

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