Pyrotechnic Lizards

Reign of Fire

While drilling for more dirt to add to London’s already filthy streets, a work crew happens upon a dragon den. Rudely awoken from its pleasant dreams of terror, the dragon proceeds to barbecue everything not already on fire. This sets into motion the Age of Death Stuff From Above as the dragons (or as I call ’em, “Pyrotiles”) proliferate faster than the fire department can put on their boots.

Reign of Fire

After two decades of dragon global warming, only a handful of survivors in the world are left, living in their own filth and trying to grow crops in-between attacks. Along comes an American military convoy tracking the Pyrotiles. (See? Fits nicely!) They kill them by parachuting out of a helicopter (these thrill freaks are referred to as “Arc Angels”—I call ’em “Skykill”) and shooting nets over their flapping wing area.

Reign of Fire

It’s discovered that all the dragons are females and they keep laying eggs, which beget more dragons. But there’s only one male who fertilizes the eggs by flying over and spraying some sort of fertilizer on ’em. Efficient, yes, but where’s the romance in that?

Reign of Fire

The male dragon is about 100 times larger than all the chick dragons, which means killing him is gonna be harder than finding a place to bathe. If the plan doesn’t go as planned, the dragon will get supremely pissed and breathe more fire than a million KISS concerts, turning the remaining human beings into patty melts.

Reign of Fire

Good thing they used real dragons in Reign of Fire (2002) or it would’ve totally sucked and looked fake.

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