Shafted By The Shaft

The Shaft

What’s more believable – a freak lightning storm doing a Frankenstein number on the bio-mechanical computer chips that control elevators in a 100 story New York skyscraper, thereby bringing ’em to life, or that I actually paid money to rent this movie? Don’t answer that. I mean it.

The Shaft

One would logically assume killer elevators would have but one method for killer-ing people: bottom floor – everyone out. But credit where credit is due, these possessed elevators chop off heads, sever torsos, suck people in at the bottom floor and zoom up 91 floors in two seconds and spit ’em off the observation deck, and have the floor break away, thereby letting people fall down the shaft like so many shrieking snowflakes.

The Shaft

The dumb part (ahem) is to dress it up in a muddled conspiracy involving bio-engineering, government cover-ups, a crooked elevator company owner and a persistent news reporter (Naomi Watts), who suspects SOMETHING IS WRONG.

The Shaft

The Millennium Building (actually the Empire State Building, but King Kong holds the copyright on that) is thought to be a terrorist target. So the military moves in. A “save-the-day” elevator repairman sneaks in, steals a Stinger (an Army weapon, not something sticking out of a bumblebee’s butt) to shoot the elevator right in the down button.

And to think how much more enjoyable The Shaft (2001) would’ve been had they just chalked it all up to Satan. Aptly titled – I definitely got the shaft on this one.

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