Unfortunately Bigfoot Exists

Exists

Stop me if you’ve heard this joke before…

“For five friends, it was a chance for a summer getaway – a weekend of camping in the Texas Big Thicket. But visions of a carefree vacation are shattered with an accident on a dark and desolate country road.”

“In the wake of the mishap, a bloodcurdling force of nature is unleashed – something not exactly human, but not completely animal – an urban legend come to terrifying life and seeking murderous revenge.”

Exists

A poorly constructed press blurb describing Exists, an upcoming found footage Bigfoot movie. And yet it reads nearly note-for-note of the spate of found footage Sasquatch movies being released these days. Also, they hand you the entire plot: unless you stole his iPinecone™, why would a Bigfoot be out for revenge? Possibly because the aforementioned accident involved not missing another missing link with the front of a car.

Exists

I hate found footage movies; It’s ALWAYS the same thing, dumbass morons (usually dumbass college dumbasses), five characters (gotta have the dork fifth wheel), cameras that keep rolling no matter what’s chasing/killing/eating the characters, and camera batteries that last longer than the one in my car. And let’s not forget the dumbass dialogue that’s made up of 90% screaming.

I’ll tell you what exists – a never ending supply of these types of these dumbass horror “movies.”

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