Mean Mountain Monster

Incident On And Off A Mountain Road

Ellen is a good person, but she can’t steer a car worthy of a student driver. Traveling along a mountain road, she crashes into another car. Yes, it was me. She then witnesses a hulking mutant freak with a pasty-white face dragging the body out of the mangled wreck (me) into the woods.

Incident On And Off A Mountain Road

The person doing the dragging is Moonface, a super mean serial killer. (I know, that sounds so generic, but it gets better.) Moonface pursues Ellen, but thanks to survival training with emphasis on guerilla warfare and special weapons tactics forced upon her by her super mean serial husband, she eludes Moonie.

Incident On And Off A Mountain Road

Moonface eventually catches her and drags her to his bloody workshop so far into the woods, even Bigfoot won’t go there. Tied up and knee-deep in corpses, Ellen meets Buddy, a mentally handi-capable hick who warns her of bad things Moonface does to his victims. Case in point: Moonie hauls the body of another woman into the cabin, throws her on a work table and removes her eyes with a drill press. Think butcher meets optometrist.

Incident On And Off A Mountain Road

Using her survival skills she manages to get free and has a punchy fight with Moonface, who gets thrown through a window, but is barely resisting gravity by holding on to a blanket that keeps him suspended over a mega waterfall. A bed cover does not a parachute make.

Incident On And Off A Mountain Road

If you think Incident On And Off A Mountain Road (2005) ends here, shut up your brain. In a smooth twist, Ellen does something that’s both sick and brilliant – and it doesn’t involve shaving her armpits. I’d tell you but it just wouldn’t be as gratifying as all those other movies I’ve plot-spoiled for you. I must be getting soft.

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