A Monstrously Bad Monster

Monster

Monster (2008) is a Cloverfield (2008) knock-off so unbelievably bad, how anyone could claim writer’s credit for this pile of film droppings is more unbelievable. Hell, it’s not even good enough to be a rip-off.

Two American girls doing a hand-held camera documentary on global warming go to Japan to get their take on the whole pollution myth. While fumbling through an interview with the Minister of Garbage (great job title), a 7.5 earthquake rattles everyone’s teeth. Then another and another. An ominous roar is heard reverberating throughout the city and you hear (but don’t see) any buildings being destroyed, or more than three or four people in a city of eight million running for their lives.

Monster

This is the first 15 minutes. The rest of Monster is spent with the sisters trading the camera back and forth and crying, whining and checking their makeup. When the monster does show up (wiggling its patently fake rubber legs – less than 30 seconds total on-screen time), it’s so horribly pathetic, you wanna kill your TV.

Monster

The DVD cover promised a 200-foot multi-tentacled creature flipping buildings over. This does not happen. What does happen is you get extremely pissed for having wasted $3.99 on something that looked like it was made by a sixth-grader. (Note to six-graders: Sorry about that, but you’ll get your turn.)

3 Responses to “A Monstrously Bad Monster”

  1. brianpjoynt Says:

    Harsh, but just. I actually have this on Blu ray (all Asylum movies go to Blu in Germany…)

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