Cottage In The Woods

The Cottage

It started out as a standard, f’d up “kidnapping for ransom” dealie by two bumbling British brothers hiding out in a rural cottage with the foul-mouthed niece of a strip club owner. The events take a superbly grim turn halfway in when a farmer, wearing timeless overalls and whose face was hopelessly mangled from a farming accident (he must’ve stepped on a rake), shows up to do a little harm on the farm.

The Cottage

The wicked, wet-yourself humor is as dark as the farmer’s shed, where a collection of rotting heads is kept on the shelves. (Apparently, he doesn’t take kindly to city folk. I don’t either, those snobs.)

The Cottage

The kidnapping itself is funnier than all get out, with the busty blonde chick managing to break the nose of one of the brothers with several amazing headbutts – while her hands were tied behind her back! (She should try out for the WWE.)

The Cottage

When the farmer finally comes up out of the basement, this thing gets double crazy fun with a foot being severed, a head being cut in half, a pick-axe to the upper femur area, neck slicing… “This is the worst night of my life,” screams one kidnapper, who ends up with a broken nose, jaw, glasses and half his foot (with sock) missing. The last one standing, he makes the mistake of trying to escape through the basement where… Not gonna tell you, but it’s classic.

The Cottage

The Cottage (2008) has been described as Fargo (1996) meets Friday the 13th (1980). I could’ve come up with something just as accurate, but I choose not to do so at this time. So there.

The Cottage

P.S. Do not confuse this The Cottage with the other The Cottage made in 2012. Something about a rental property and tenant gone bad. Thankfully, I did not watch it because it sounds generically sucko.

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