Roly Poly Snakeheads

Had they known people chewing  snakehead fish were still in existence, the small town citizens living around the popular Cultus Lake probably wouldn’t have gone swimming/peeing in it.

Thanks to human growth hormones the local coroner has been dumping into the lake, the snakeheads have been growing and reproducing at an alarming rate. This is what caused all the regularhead fish to disappear. The snakeheads can crawl out of the water on their front dorsals and live on land for up to several hours before they dry out. (I’m the same way if I don’t find a tavern within two hours.) Since they’re ravenously hungry, humans seem a suitable side dish.

A call to the sheriff and his response gives you an idea of the high-quality level of this film: Deputy: “We found a dead body.” Sheriff: “What kind of dead body?” The sheriff wants to close down the lake. The mayor doesn’t want him to do that as the lucrative fishing season is about to start and they need the tourist dollars.

 

A supermodel Game & Wildlife agent, so shot up with Botox™ she looks like a snakehead fish, shows up to add to the problem. Meanwhile, people are getting eaten in a manner befitting a nameless renegade 30-foot shark. The coroner thinks its a crocodile. The fish are the size of crocodiles and are just as vicious, though.

While Snakehead Terror (2004) had some chuckle  moments (a head floating in the water, arms, legs, torsos turned into meat pies), I have several questions. Since when does a small town need to employ a full-time coroner? More importantly, why didn’t the sheriff’s 17 year-old daughter wear a micro-bikini to distract the snakeheads so they could be shot? I hope these questions will be answered in the sequel, because this floundering flick doesn’t otherwise work for me.