Feeding Formula To Snakes

Thunder of Gigantic Serpent

This sounds like a bar joke: What do you get when you cross a giant snake with a little Asian girl, some terrorists and a lavish movie budget of about $300? You get Daai se wong (1988), aka Thunder of Gigantic Serpent. You also get one heckuva hot giant monster mess.

Thunder of Gigantic Serpent

The aforementioned little girl finds some secret formula that makes animals and plants grow to one billion times their metric body mass, and feeds her pet snake a mouthful. You know how emotionally attached Timmy was to Lassie? Those two have nothing on Ting Ting (that’s what it sounded like when her parents yelled at her) and Mozla, a snake the size of half a hula-hoop. The darn thing actually understands her and nods when she talks incessantly to it. This gets really old.

Gigantic Serpent

Meanwhile, criminal terrorists who shoot scientists and use the “F” word, want that formula. Why? To take over the world, of course. They know the formula works, but haven’t seen how well as Mozla, growing like a Happy Hour bathroom line, hasn’t made his grand appearance just yet. He has to wait until the terrorists kidnap their girl in order to put the squeeze on ‘em.

Thunder of Gigantic Serpent

Ninety percent of the movie is spent watching terrorists chase and being chased by bullets and swear words. When Ting Ting is captured and spirited away to a tall building and starts screaming INCESSANTLY for Mozla to save her, the serpent actually hears the paint-peeling cries and carves gigantic paths of destruction to find her. And because Mozla is now the size of a building, wrapping himself around one makes sense. It also make it a lot easier for the military to fire about 30 missiles to make him let go. I’ll say this for Mozla – he’s one tough worm.

Thunder of Gigantic Serpent

Ting Ting cries hysterically at her fallen phallic symbol, who symbolically shrinks to a third of his size after the job is done. All of this sounds vaguely familiar. I must’ve seen it in another movie or heard about it in a locker room.

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