Hunting Demons

Demon Hunter

Oh, that sneaky Asmodeus, up to his old tricks again. As a demon vampire he’s knocking up hookers to carry his demon seeds to cause all sorts of heckaroo on Earth. But Jake the Demon Hunter, with all the emotion of a DMV clerk, is out to stop him. It’s his job – and his boss is the Cardinal (head religious guy, not the red bird or one of the St. Louis baseball players).

Demon Hunter

Jake is good at cleaning up botched exorcisms: he beats the Hell out of the possessed. But the church wants him to go after Asmodeus because A’s unsavory ’n evil ’n stinky. Along to assist is a nun who is a supermodel. On Asmodeus’ team is a Succubus who wants to give Jake a hellishly delightful hummer – and almost succeeds, except Jake, being half human and half demon himself, knows all the catches to that sort of deal. She’ll probably wanna hang out afterward, go shopping and buy a puppy together. Not in Jake’s plan.

Demon Hunter

But Asmodeus turns out to be a freakin’ wuss and doesn’t do anything cool except throw a few decent punches. The Succubus, at least, has flappy demon wings and weird fleshy horns that look like deformed cow udders poking out of her head. But it’s Sarah, the hot nun, who becomes the real star – right after she turns into a demon herself and removes Asmodeus’ left spleen.

Demon Hunter

Sarah and Jake go at it, Jake wins, the church is happy, but there’s way too many unanswered questions. Where did the Succubus go after Jake stabbed her in the boob? What happened to all the hot vampire hookers that were made “with demon child” up by Asmodeus? How did the church already know Sarah was a demon? And what did Jake mean when he told ’em, “Oh, yeah? Well I have a plan, too!”?

Demon Hunter

Demon Hunter (2005) is loaded with topless eye candy and even a crotch shot (thankfully female), but little else to convince us Jake is the demon hunting badass the DVD cover wants us to believe.

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