Corpse Condo

Funeral Home

A teen girl who does not take her top off visits her grandmother’s bed & breakfast/funeral home. People keep disappearing, much like her grandfather did once he found a hot chick that would put out for him. There are muffled voices coming from that secret room in the basement where they keep all the old caskets.

Funeral Home

Thinking he’ll get to feel her up, the granddaughter’s boyfriend talks her into going into the basement for, you know, relaxation purposes. If you’ve seen Psycho (1960), the ending is a spot on rip, complete with swinging light casting eerie shadows over the corpse of you already know.

Funeral Home

Norman Bates, uh, I mean grandma, swings a good axe, but can’t seem to connect with the human target, breaking all those jars of goopy preserves on the shelves instead. Makes sense she would be good at making jams and jellies given that she’s also an embalmer or sorts. Just ask the corpse of you already know who.

That said, Funeral Home (1980) is a bloodless, gore-less, plodding butt-putting-a’sleeper.

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