Turtle vs. Tentacle

Gamera III: Revenge of Iris

Gam Gam’s new foe in this one is Iris, a morphing gasoline-powered sharp thing with extra-long tentacles and a battle cry that sounds like Free Willy with menstrual cramps.

Gamera III: Revenge of Iris

Making a boisterous comeback cameo are those pesky, carnivorous fruit flies Gyaos, with Gamera blasting ’em out of the sky with fireballs of righteousness. What’s cool is now he doesn’t give a crap about real estate or whiny Earth wieners, which he barbecues without shedding a single turtle tear.

Gamera III: Revenge of Iris

While this is happening, some chick with a vendetta (Gamera inadvertently collateral damaged her parents in Attack of Legion/1996) discovers the monster baby Iris in a cave and establishes a mental link to execute her PMS revenge.

Gamera III: Revenge of Iris

Iris grows to the size of the space shuttle and proceeds to raise shell with Gamera. The realistic destructo effects are dang awesome and thereby superific (my word, not Webster’s). You WILL believe full-scale office buildings are being knocked over as if they were mere balsa wood models. Don’t worry about following the plot as the movie is in some sort of weirdo language. (German, it is theorized.)

Gamera III: Revenge of Iris

In the end, Gamera saves the chick that was gunning for him. (Geez, what’s he gonna do next – send her Christmas cards?) Still, Gamera III: Revenge of Iris (1999) is great fun for those of us who regard giant turtle movies as such. And I do.

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