Moon Men A-Holes

Hercules Against The Moon Men

Hercules has issues; He’s always against this or versus that. This time it’s a talking moon man in a cape and a size-proportionate garbage can for a head. The rest of the moon men are nine-foot creatures made of rock. Hercules has one word for them: gravel.

While visiting Earth, these moon men stay inside the Mountain of Death, a vacation destination with many deluxe amenities: Endless caves, romantic lighting, hot and hotter running lava…

Hercules Against The Moon Men

The narcissistic Queen Samara sacrifices so many people to the M of D, she’s running out of tax-paying citizens. But she won’t stop as the moon men promised her eternal youth, absolute dominion, powers equal to theirs, a custom garbage can for her head, and a new chariot with leather seats.

Hercules Against The Moon Men

Word goes out to Hercules who shows up to c-block this corporate takeover. He meets a chick with a mole under her left eye, which looked like a little bug the whole time I watched this movie. And it gooned me out. Hercules has red hair in this one, probably burnt from beating up the sun or stomping the hell out of a patch of evil strawberries. Even his skin is orange.

Hercules doesn’t have much problem tossing the Queen’s army around like bowling pins, but he does get captured and put in a giant trap with steel things poking out of it. Yeah, that’ll stop the strongest man on Earth.

Hercules Against The Moon Men

As Hercules Against The Moon Men (1965) finally gets around to the end (after what seems like FOREVER stumbling around in a sand storm), everyone ends up in the exploding Mountain of Death, where Hercules takes on 10 or more cement moon men. He picks one up and throws it like it was plastic made to look like rocks. He takes out the others with a stone pillar (there always seems to be a lot of those things in Hercules movies).

Hercules Against The Moon Men

The talking moon man tastes a forearm smash and blows up. The Queen gets crushed by men as hard as rock and Hercules grabs some chick he was supposed to rescue and gets the flock outta there before, you know, lava ’n stuff.

Once again Hercules lives to ride into the sunset with a gal who has a bug-shaped mole on her face. Man, Herc gets all the cool ladies.

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