Archive for April, 2014

Giant Tropical Spiders

Posted in Aliens, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Arachnid

In Arachnid’s (2001) believability-testing opening sequence, a stealth fighter pilot encounters a water spout in the middle of one of the oceans and flies in for a closer look. And by look, I mean to shoot it. This results in Nature winning the skirmish and pilot blows up his very expensive aircraft and parachuting to safety on a small island where he is eaten by a giant something-or-rather.

Arachnid

A chartered aeroplane filled with scientists, island natives, foreign-talking people and the acceptably attractive sister of the eaten pilot also crash land their malfunctioning flying machine on the very same island. It doesn’t take long for Smart Car™ sized insects to turn up and start munching on human flesh.

Arachnid

One guy gets caught up in its web and is injected with some sort of paralysis cream. When the others find him, he’s covered up to the neck in a vaguely familiar white sticky substance. (Could this be one of those porn spiders I keep hearing about on the news?) The spider looks authentic enough, but nothing to write to Spider-Man™ about.

Arachnid

For an alien spider movie, though, Arachnid was quite the yawner. Make movie about a giant demon grasshopper and you’ve got my attention.

Vampires Heart Werewolves

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Moon Rising

A silly splatterfest done in old school grindhouse fashion, Blood Moon Rising’s (2009) plot, if there is one, is set in 1969 and revolves around two chicks who luv each other. (A lesbo vampire and a lesbo werewolf. Since neither shaves their legs, it’s hard to tell who’s the biter and who’s the barker.)

Blood Moon Rising

Because they’ve been dating since 1889, they have to wait until a full eclipse in order to, um, express their luv physically. This gets dinged up by Satan’s Goth daughter, who wants to bring an end everything on Earth. (Better to leave that up to the pros – politicians.)

Blood Moon Rising

The only thing in her Goth way is her granddaughter, a young hippie chick with a serious set of hi-beams, and a comic book dork boyfriend. So how do you stop people from Hell and brain-snacking zombies and vampire bikers and werewolves that look like they were pulled out of a soup line? With shotguns, of course. And some knives and a mini meat cleaver. You never know when one might come in handy.

Blood Moon Rising

Porn legend Ron Jeremy gets painted in the gore. They also have him stepping in dog doo doo. That’s nothing to him – you should see some of the girls he works with.

Blood Moon Rising

Blood Moon Rising’s jokes wear a bit thin, but it’s all in good dumbassery fun. Even with all the monsters, Sadie/Lucy, the hippie chick with two names and two big acting skills, is pretty good with a shotgun. She’s so cute, I’d let her shoot me any day.