The Lord’s Vampire

Southern Gothic

When a “weak of flesh, but strong in the Lord” preacher is bitten by a vampire, you’d think God would step in a go, “Oh no you di’int.” Maybe because the preacher frequents strip clubs and does things in the private lap dance room contrary to his belief system. Back to Bible Camp for you, pal.

A small Southwest town and aforementioned strip club is the intersection for several drama collisions, one being a gorgeous single-mom stripper with a 10 year-old daughter, a suicidal-by-alcohol club bouncer who a while back killed his young daughter while driving drunk, a man and woman vampire looking to get in some low-key snacks, and the aforementioned fire-n-brimstone preacher who survives a vampire attack, only to become one himself.

Southern Gothic

Once shown the true light, the preacher recruits his flock to weed out the cancer in the community. His target: the strip club. But only after he makes the red-head his eternal bride of doom.

The bouncer, Hazel Fortune (half of that is a cool name), becomes emotionally attached to the stripper’s young daughter, and sees a chance to be the dad he wasn’t on that night he made his own daughter pay for his drinks.

Southern Gothic

The local rednecks are all too eager to help usher in the Lord’s way, and do redneck-y stuff to those they capture and hold hostage in an old house. The dude vampire, now single as the Preacher managed to kill his toothy wife after the initial attack, steps up to help Hazel rescue the little girl and stripper mom, who is a vampire stripper now. A lot to suck in, but stay with the group.

Southern Gothic

Lots of neck puncturing, eye stabbing, knife poking and head shot-gunning. But oddly, no bare boobies. You’d think with a strip club as the metaphor, they’d at least put ’em on the glass. Not so with this one.

Southern Gothic

Southern Gothic (2007) has a few corny moments (the preacher is waaaaaaay over the top with his preachin’), and a platter of splatter. But it felt like the vampires needed explaining. And at least one bare boob. It would’ve helped the plot waaaaaaaay more.

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