Haunted House Janitorial Service

Burnt Offerings

Here’s an idea – take a vacation and stay in a haunted house. Rent is only $900 for two months with fridge privileges, but you have to clean up the place and feed the old lady in the attic once a day. Oh yeah, you can’t talk to her or even look at her withered old face, either. Just leave the food outside the door and get your fat sack out.

Burnt Offerings

So the Rolf family moves into the spooky 37 room/50 acre Victorian mansion on the agreement they’ll take care of Aunt Bat and mop the floors, mow the lawn, clean the turds out of the pool, etc. Yep, sounds a like a real relaxing vacation.

Burnt Offerings

So mom, dad, the kid and their aunt Elizabeth (played by the iconic shriveled raisin Bette Davis) move in and slowly things start going tilt-a-whirl, like dad suddenly going mental and trying to drown his son Davey in the just-cleaned pool. Then there are the photos throughout the house depicting unrelated people, none of whom are smiling. Would you smile if there were turds in your swimming pool? Sure as heck not me.

Burnt Offerings

You’d think the Rolfs would get the hell outta there, but man, that was such a sweet deal on the rent, hard to throw it down the drain just because of violent, unexplained mood swings and dead relatives. As everyone finds out TOO FREAKIN’ LATE the house is alive – and it doesn’t want alive people in it.

Burnt Offerings

If I were to tell you the secret of Burnt Offering’s (1976) old woman in the attic, you’d probably never send me $5.00 in the mail. Let’s just say it’s spookified. And those photos in the house? Take another look. And no, I’m not in any of ’em doing the two-fingered dealie behind someone’s head. I save that for wedding pictures.

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