Wisecracking Werewolf

Big Bad Wolf

If you’re gonna drive five hours to find a cabin deep in the woods to drink alcohol and have unsafe sex, you should probably check Mapquest™ to see if there are any werewolves in that area. Six college kids get a party started at said cabin owned by a student’s mean step-dad, who just happens to be that werewolf. And it just happens to be a full moon.

Big Bad Wolf

It’s not a horror movie coincidence that the ones having sex are the first slaughtered. But in a kinky twist, the werewolf actually talks and cracks bad one-liners (invoking the “Three Little Pigs” jingle, but substituting new easily-rhyming words like “die,” “kill,” and “bleed”). The attacks are extreme/rad/vicious, with legs being torn off, necks being opened up to see the juicy goodness inside. Oh, and there’s wrong-side-’o-the-zipper castration.

Big Bad Wolf

The werewolf even gets himself a little booty by doing it doggy style with one of the girls. “She was a virgin!” screams her boyfriend. “Not anymore!” cracks the werewolf. Touché. In a last minute move to wedgy in a sequel, the werewolf bites the son on the arm area (close to but not including the elbow), passing along his bitey heritage.

Big Bad Wolf

Big Bad Wolf (2006) features yummy gore and occasionally sharp dialogue that ranks up there with Ginger Snaps (2000), the superb chick werewolf movie. The wolf himself is pretty cool, but in the dark looks like a guy in a gorilla suit. Speaking of which, I need to go get fitted for one in case of occasions that call for me to wear nicer clothes.

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