Blood Monkeys Out For Blood

Six anthropology graduate students go to Africa to assist the esteemed Professor Hamilton as he documents crotch-swelling exciting flora and fauna.

Unknown to the students who bring their cell phones – even though they’re going into uncharted jungles – is that Hamilton has discovered an undocumented primate species that’s super-intelligent, super aggressive and super mad at anything human. He wants to be the first to catalog these killer apes and needs the students as bait seeing how his other assistants have been eaten alive by the gore-rillas. (I invented that name – no one better take it.)

The best scene comes when everyone settles into their tents and it starts raining. But it isn’t water – it’s monkey pee! A whole bunch of apes are in the trees, pissing on the tents. Damn, that was funny. Gives a whole new definition to acid rain, it does.

It’s right here Blood Monkey (2007) slips on a banana. Trapped in a cave, the last two students have wandered into the gorilla’s condo, and we finally we get to see the monster monkey – for exactly two seconds, then right into the credits. Adding to the insult, the monster monkey looks like the title character from Donkey Kong. I’m so mad, if there was a tent around, I’d totally go number one on it.