Haunted Chicks

The Haunting of Helena

Horror movies like to kiss each others’ b-holes. A truer statement was never made. This is why after Paranormal Activity came out in 2007 and hit big box office Lotto™ double mega gold, we’ve seen no less than 30 horror movies that invoke the buzzword, “paranormal.” (I’d list them all here but I’m low on activity.)

So the new trigger word to get you to buy in to horror crap-o-rama is “haunting.” That’s a good go-to word as it implies ghosts, ghost demons, unexplained ghosts, lingering beer farts… There are near countless books, TV shows and movies that employ the money word. Curiously, though, is how it is applied to horror movies with girl names. Like I said, b-hole kissing.

The most current (as of this e-blog barfing) invocation of “haunting” as paired with a chick comes with The Haunting of Helena (2013), which attempts to goons you out with a formulaic story line: “A single mother moves into a new house with her daughter. Soon after the young girl has her first baby tooth fall off, she begins to recount that she is having nocturnal visits by a tooth fairy. It seems the house has a sinister history.”

Meh.

Haunted Chicks

The first “haunted girl” movie came in 1977 with The Haunting of Julia, which is actually a decent ghost-y story: “After the death of her daughter, Julia Lofting, a wealthy housewife, moves to London to re-start her life. All seems well until she is haunted by the sadness of losing her own child and the ghosts of other children.”

Sounds meh, but is actually pretty cool.

In 2003 came The Haunting of Rebecca Verlaine (aka, Garden of Love): “A woman who’s family was brutally murdered when she was little is instructed by her family’s ghosts to bring the killers to them so their souls can rest in peace.”

Was this accomplished? Meh.

Haunted Chicks

Then there’s The Haunting of Molly Hartley and The Haunting of Amelia, both released in 2008. Molly: “Molly Hartley looks to put her troubled past behind her with a fresh start at a new school, where she sparks with one of the most popular students. But can her secrets stay buried, especially as she learns more about the horrific truth that awaits her once she turns 18?”

A meh teen ghost story made for the Twilight dorks.

The Haunting of Amelia (aka The Other Side of the Tracks): “Ten years after a tragic train accident killed his girlfriend, Josh finds himself haunted by disturbing visions from somewhere between the world of the living and the dead, haunting memories that keep him from moving on.”

Haven’t seen this one. Kinda burned out on “The Haunting of…” type horror movies. Maybe I’ll give it viewing once I hold a seance in the light of the refrigerator to conjure the spirits of a six-pack.

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