You Are Future Food

Tooth and Nail

Yet another butt-numbingly boring “life in the post-apocalyptic” survival tale. Tooth and Nail (2007) is set in the not-too-distant future where the world has run out of gas and those who don’t shrivel up and die instantly are either pansy-ass Foragers or cannibalistic Rovers. When the two opposing viewpoints meet over dinner, guess who’s gonna be this week’s mystery meat?

Tooth and Nail

Set in stinky U.S. city, it’s not explained why the Rovers have Australian accents and all wear trench coats, which is even more clichéd is their weaponry. C’mon – aren’t there any cool guns left laying around after the world goes to crap that you’d resort to using a spiked baseball bat to get your point across?

Tooth and Nail

A hot young gal leads the pro-wrestler sized Rovers, who do whatever she tells them to. Yeah, that’ll happen in the future. And the last of-age hottie standing after the Rovers have eaten all of the Foragers decides she’s had enough, smears war-paint on her face, and takes on the finger-licking hungry men.

Tooth and Nail

And if you’re gonna eat people at least show it. And what’s with no nudity? Don’t women take their clothes off in the future? Yawn, stretch, scratch lower groin, go wash hands, yawn again, check fridge, and wait for the next Netflix™ movie to come in the mail.

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