Blood Gnomes

Blood Gnome

A crime scene photographer catches footage of small, toothy creatures that are invisible to all but the camera’s eye. He can’t prove their existence to anyone, but continues to investigate more and more sex-all-the-way murders, each with bodies that were a short time ago doing whips, leather and the meaningful holding of hands.

He finds a fetish gal to help him understand what S&M is all about. (Sodas and Marshmallows – duh.) This plot device is important as it means a LOT of girls get naked.

Blood Gnome

Directed to a conveniently local S&M mistress is the key as she has a giant crate in her “dungeon” containing a toothy, tentacled thingamajig that, when fed blood, gives birth to the “blood gnomes.” A by-product of these births is a milky goo that she sells as X, a powerful drug that makes Ecstasy look like baby aspirin.

Blood Gnomes

The gnomes are onto the photographer as he finally has photographic evidence, even instant-messaging him on his computer as to their demands. (I don’t know how they could type with those pointy claws, let alone find a store that would even sell a computer to a blood gnome.) When the S&M mistress kidnaps the photographer’s new girlfriend (the fetish gal) he has to rescue her. To not do so would totally be insensitive.

Blood Gnome

Shot on hand-held camera, Blood Gnome (2004) manages to rise above its budgetary limitations and actually has an attention-holding plot with some good back endery. Ahem. The grand display of bare boobies makes perfect sense when factored in with an S&M bondage mistress who owns a multi-tentacled creature in her garage.

Yeah, the blood gnomes look a little goofy and way too rubbery, but they get the job done. As do featured star Julie Strain’s monumental hood ornaments, which don’t look at all rubbery.

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