Flower Snakes

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid

A corporate team of venture researchers need to get into the heart of Borneo to procure a rare flower – the Blood Orchid – that only blooms once every seven years. Cool name, Blood Orchid. I’d have called it a Punch You In The Face flower, but I’m all about marketing.

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid

Tests on an earlier retrieved sample indicate it’s the botanical version of the Fountain of Youth. (Note to filmakers: Budweiser™ achieves the same results and is way easier to find). Time is running out as the flower only stays in bloom for one more week. Roooaaad triiippp!

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid

And to make things more interesting than the find-n-seek flower, there are giant anaconda snakes everywhere. Seems it’s mating season and the male snakes are on the hunt for the one female skank snake that’ll do it with all of them. Aren’t we all.

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid

Anacondas continue to grow right up until they die. Since the Blood Orchid is part of their diet, they live considerably longer, and by extension (sorry) grow considerably longer, about 40 feet to be exact. Because the super flower could be worth billions plus millions, greed intercedes and double-crossing ensues.

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid

The flowers bloom on the other side of a huge pit where a massive snake sex knot is happening. It looked like a giant bowl of spaghetti gettin’ it on. Hey, what happens in Borneo, stays in Borneo. To reach the flowers, someone has to go across a wet tree that has fallen across the pit. This is what we in the industry call “letting the good times roll.”

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid

As giant snake movies go, Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid (2004) stands out. Then again, I can’t remember any other giant snake movies that don’t suck. Ahem.

One Response to “Flower Snakes”

  1. id like an anaconda to be placed in south africa

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