Dead Sea

Dead Sea

Hard to not be a fan of water-based horror movies. The ocean, as it turns out, is full of awesome life-hurting creatures, like Dinocrocs and Sharktopuses, all designed to make you ruin your bathing suit. So it is with great anticipation I look forward to Dead Sea, arriving on the outdated DVD platform April 15, 2014.

Sharktopus

OK, so everything about Dead Sea seems generic, from the title (how about H2O-Noooo!?), to the DVD cover art (yet another chick in a bikini moments prior to being devoured – see Piranha 3D / 2010 and spin around from there), the kicker line: “It’s Feeding Time” (how about: “You’ll Wet Yourself”?), to the plot: “A marine biologist is thrust into the violent paranoia surrounding a town preparing for the return of a legendary serpentine creature.” All “meh” stuff. But c’mon – sea monster!

Grabbers

But judging by Dead Sea’s art, the monster’s mouth (at least I hope that’s its mouth) looks suspiciously similar to the alien octopus creature(s) in the hysterically cool Grabbers (2012), in which a coastal Irish fishing village defends themselves from sea monsters by getting as drunk as possible. (The creatures react to booze like vampires do to garlic. They must be from Utah.)

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea

A great primer for multi-tentacled mega creatures of the deep is 1954’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, based on a novel (book with extra pages) by sci-fi fantasy author Jules Verne and adapted by Disney™, a corporation long known as being a monster factory.

Anyway, regardless of Dead Sea’s perceived shortcomings, I will dive headfirst into this ocean of terror – and this time I might even wear someone’s swim suit.

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