Iron Mike Bison

The White Buffalo

In the late 1800s, James Otis – also known by his Christian name as Wild Bill Hickok – has syphilis, and it’s starting to make his brain go as wacky as his wiener. Crazy Horse, the famous Indian with a name right up there with Geronimo, is also in this old western horror fun fest.

The White Buffalo

Seems a giant, marauding white buffalo has been causing tent-wrecking migraines for everyone. So Wild ’n Crazy are called in to track, evaluate and eventually dispatch the hooved earthquake.

The White Buffalo

Crazy Horse wants the glory so he can retain his cool name (they don’t just give it to you – you gotta earn it) and skin the protein-packed beast for its hide, which he then wants to wrap his dead child in and send off to Paradise. (For me Paradise would be a tavern with working bathrooms).

The White Buffalo

Hickok wants to kill Mr. Buffalo because he thinks that’ll stop his dreams from being all nightmare-y. (He didn’t know about unchecked tool rot and its effects on the upper and lower noodle.)

The White Buffalo

While Hickok should be looking for a drugstore instead of giant bison, his dreams get weirder and more intense, almost as if he tried Jager Floats™ for the first time. The final confrontation where the buffalo charges out of the woods and comes straight at him is what Ted Nugent’s dreams are made of. Mine as well.

The White Buffalo

The scenes of the beast running through the snow-buried woods at night, making steam from both ends and doing cool honking sounds, only serves to validate the The White Buffalo’s (1977) rental fee. I don’t give a crap if the buffalo did look like an overstuffed carnival toy – I should’ve stolen this movie.

The White Buffalo

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