Zombies Take You To School

House of the Dead 2

A college science professor has been experimenting with a new recipe to reanimate the deceased in House of the Dead 2, the 2005 sequel to the incredibly wretched House of the Dead (2003), which was based on a video game. (What, Super Mario – Corpse Defiler not inspirational enough?)

House of the Dead 2

The professor’s test subject – a hot dead chick – comes back to life and turns his head into an opened-face sandwich. From there the nu-zombie infects the rest of the student body. A special team is assembled, led by a supermodel whose job it is to find the first generation zombie, get a blood sample, then hurry it back to the lab to work up an antidote, which she claims could be as easily as treating the flu. As if.

House of the Dead 2

She has to go deep into the heavily-occupied territory of Zombie U to do this. The zombies are referred to as hyper-sapiens. I refer to them as zombies. And this is where any remaining believability goes out with the bath water. The team punch and kick as zombies dog-pile on ’em, and yet somehow manage to survive without so much as a single scratch, bite or the sniffing of undead flatulence. What ev.

House of the Dead 2

As stupid as the premise is, HotD2 manages to score a little better than it’s predecessor. OK, that’s not saying much. But the flesh-eating scenes are very glisten-y. There’s always points for glisten-y.

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