Lady Terminator

Lady Terminator

The South Seas Queen is a sexually insatiable monarch that has unsafe sex with a LOT of men. Unsafe because if you don’t satisfy her, an eel in her crotch bites off your Willy Wonka and you die (mostly from embarrassment). Still, men line up around the block to get some ’o that South Seas free lovin’.

Lady Terminator

One guy, though, manages to ring her bell and the eel slithers out of her love grotto. The man grabs it and the darn thing turns into a dagger. This makes the Sea Queen mad because he won’t give it back, so she curses his great-great-great-great granddaughter that he’ll be related to 100,000 years from now. This ancestor of Johnny Humpalot will pay the price for her well-endowed grandfather’s treachery.

Lady Terminator

Jump forward to 1989 and a Flashdance-type archeologist in a bikini sets out into the vast ocean to snorkel among the ruins where the ancient dagger is supposed to be laying right out in the open for anyone with a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus to find. But the South Sea Queen has other plans, and takes over the young woman’s body and resumes her mate/terminate sex spree.

Lady Terminator

Lady Terminator (1989) is full of cheesy stupidity, LOTS of naked stuff, paintball splatter and guns a’plenty, dialogue that’ll give you the runs, and one of the worst lounge songs – performed in its entirety – you’ll ever hear. What’s not to like?

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