Fair-Haired Horror

Fair-Haired Child

What birthday present should you give to a 15 year-old kid who doesn’t know how to swim? A row boat, of course! And what good is a boat without a bottomless pond out back in which to not float in?

Fair-Haired Child

A Carnegie Hall husband and wife piano/cello team looses their son to the lilly pads and invokes Satan to bring him back. In order to do so, they must sacrifice 12 virgin teen girls (good luck finding that many) to Johnny, the fair-haired child in the basement.

Fair-Haired Child

Tara, an outcast at school and the last required virgin, is abducted and tossed in the cellar where she bonds with mute basement boy. Every 15 minutes he turns into a really cool looking freak creature with sticks growing out of his white bald head and an upside down cross burned into his skull.

Fair-Haired Child

This creature eats virgins and gains a bit more humanity in the process. In almost human form he tries to kill himself (hanging, stabbing), but it doesn’t work. To make matters worse, he ends up disemboweling Tara. Before dying, she writes a message in blood: “I forgive you, Johnny.” That she had nice penmanship makes him all the more anguished as he was just getting to first base with the girly girl.

Fair-Haired Child

Now he can turn into the 100% fair haired child (or, “teenager”) his folks bargained all those virgins for. But Johnny did a little wheelin’ ’n dealin’ himself, and turned the tables on his ghoulish-but-musically-talented parents. Invoking the demon thing, which looks suspiciously female, the parents are ripped to shreds. Guess who the demon is? No, guess!

Fair-Haired ChildDespite all the blood and innards and satanic stuff, Masters of Horror: Fair-Haired Child (2006)  ends on an up note – and not one that can be played by even the most accomplished of musicians. Heh.

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