Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

In overload marketing prep for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (arriving July, 2014) now comes four teaser posters, each looking quite badass.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I don’t want to spoil the party, but I think the apes are favored to win this game. How could I possibly know that? Here’s the plot: “A growing nation of genetically evolved apes led by Caesar is threatened by a band of human survivors of the devastating virus unleashed a decade earlier. They reach a fragile peace, but it proves short-lived, as both sides are brought to the brink of a war that will determine who will emerge as Earth’s dominant species.”

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

Yep, sounds familiar. This, of course, is the bone structure of 1973’s Battle for the Planet of the Apes. In case you haven’t seen it 27 times like me, or read a truncated review on this here blog back on Christmas Day, 2011, here’s what gets flung against the wall…

After getting served in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972), the humans, with radioactive sores on their units, rally for some payback.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

It’s now the 21st Century, 10 years after the apes dehumanized the world. And what non-radioactive humans are left are kept in corrals out in the woods and made to do minimum-wage stuff for their ape masters. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

Head ape Caesar, tired of all the non-getting-alonging, decides it might be time for peaceful coexisting with their hairless pets. Damn hippie. But the easily agitated General Aldo ain’t downtown with that. He’d just as soon turn ’em loose in a cornfield and do a little sport huntin’.

Caesar, Aldo decides, must be stopped, and Ape City (not really a city, more like tree houses with indoor plumbing) must be invaded. Aldo murders Caesar’s son when the little branch-swinger overhears the gorilla’s plan to overthrow the current government. Monkey doo is about to hit every fan left working.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

But as history shows, humans are no match for their ape overlords, and get their sore asses handed to ’em yet again in an old style Western shoot-out. Now it’s time to talk to Aldo about that murdering thing. It’s cool for apes to kill humans, but NOT COOL for ape to kill ape. Let’s just say another rule gets broken on that, the first of many future days.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

While Battle for the Planet of the Apes has some fun moments, the lack of spectacular sets, doomsday bombs and Dr. Zaius makes it the most lackluster of the Apes series. Still, monkeys that talk. That’s pretty neat.

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