I Was A Teenage Zombie

Clive Barker's The Plague

All the world’s children (nine years and under) simultaneously go into a coma, thereby killing the entire baby-sitting industry overnight. For 10 years the children are tended to (fed, bathed, wiped) and though it’s not explained, the inert bodies go into foamy mouth convulsions every day at 10AM and 10PM. These seizures only last about a minute, but the sudsy rockin’ and rollin’ is getting stronger.

Clive Barker's The Plague

One day, the kids inexplicably wake up. Their eyes have dark circles and they look extremely pissed, probably due to a decade’s worth of bedsores. They go on a killing rampage, decimating the world’s adult population. (That behavior will get them sent to their rooms.)

Clive Barker's The Plague

But something else is happening to the brats – when one figures out how to disable a getaway car, they all know how, and become zombie mechanics. And when one picks up a gun and uses it, suddenly they all know how to pack heat. (Good thing one of ’em hasn’t learned how to fart.) This gives the mouth more time for chewing instead of communicating ideas and concepts related to the extracting of adult juices.

Clive Barker's The Plague

Some decently tense moments and a LOT of blood, thank you. For a made-for-TV sci-fi/horror flick (the DVD has more gore and audible four-letter words), Clive Barker’s The Plague (2006) is pretty darn original. (Sorry to invoke “darn,” but I did warn you there were four-letter words.)

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