Don’t Open That Door – There’s Evil Behind It

Beyond The Door

A puke-face rip-off of The Exorcist (1973) made so quick, moviegoers hadn’t finished their split-pea soup yet.

The Italian made Beyond The Door, released in 1974, finds a pregnant chick in San Francisco getting ready to give birth to Satan’s offspring. (I didn’t know they were dating, let alone getting that serious so early on in their relationship.)

Beyond The Door

When Jessica Barrett’s ex-boyfriend Richard finds out, he proves how much of a wuss he is by coming to help her through this difficult time. As she gets double pregnant, she becomes double possessed, a condition that includes (but not limited to) profusely swearing in ancient languages, rotating cranium, throwing up gallons of split-pea soup, enunciating in demonic timbres, and making stink.

Beyond The Door

Curiously, Richard isn’t fazed by any of this. In fact, that double-crossing turd is a devil-worshipper in his spare time and wants to take the baby and sacrifice it, thereby being rewarded with evil coupons, which can be redeemed at any location when you go to HELL. (Uh, he’ll actually be rewarded with extra life points. I just get carried away sometimes.)

Beyond The Door

Throughout the proceedings, Richard is taunted by a demonic voice every five minutes, which is so annoying as to be inconsiderate. (Demons can be ridiculously rude.) And the ending? It was over before it started.

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