The Langoliers

Without hyperbole, I can emphatically overstate that The Langoliers (1995) is the all time worst movie adaptation of one of horror author Stephen King’s books ever made in the history of the everything. (The wretched Rose Red/2002 is a close second.)

The Langoliers

A commercial flight full of passengers goes through a time rift (like a regular rift, but with more colors), and come out the other side with most of the people gone, as though they turned into transparencies and departed the plane in mid-air.

The Langoliers

A handful of wildly disparate characters – including a 10 year-old hyper-intelligent blind girl and a freakishly paranoid corporate executive – discover there’s no one left on land, either. Also, beer doesn’t fizz when opened, farts don’t smell and sandwiches taste like cardboard. And not that cool designer cardboard, either. All the while they hear a strange, ominous crunching sound off in the distance, like someone rolling around on bags of potato chips.

The Langoliers

As the corporate exec slips his grip and goes off the mental high dive, the rest struggle with the theory of what is believed to be the Langoliers, creatures that eat leftover time itself. They need to get their ass out of the past and back into present time where beer fizzes the way its supposed to.

The Langoliers

The ground and buildings around them are being devoured by the laughable Pac-Man type creatures as everyone not dead (um, there was a few regrettable incidents) re-boards the plane and heads for the time rift. Unfortunately, they have to be asleep in order to sync back up with the present. Someone needs to be awake to fly the plane and… No sequel for one lucky person.

The Langoliers

Interesting premise, but the unlikely characters (they work better in book form) and the horrendous Langoliers that look like giant clams with teeth (dumb name, dumber monsters) make you wish you could go back in time and not watch it all over again.

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