Hellish Phone Bill

976-Evil

Hoax Wilmoth has worse problems than his  name. As a socially-exorcised teen with a religious freak mom who can make it rain fish and a renegade male cousin whom he feels a certain pant-tingling attraction for, Hoax finds a telephone number that puts him in direct contact with…SATAN. (What’s a “telephone”?)

976-Evil

Thinking it’s one of those horoscope pay numbers, Hoax (yeesh, that name is stupid) calls and gets advice on how to deal with the gang of teen gay guys who beat him up every day and play strip poker together. (Instructions: chop off one guy’s hand, stab another with a neon pitchfork (!), punch through the chest of two others, yank out their black hearts and show it around the room.)

And that chick who scorned him? The evil voice tells him to make a pentagram out of salt and bugs, and the next thing you know, she’s being devoured alive by salty bugs.

976-Evil

Mom gets the phone bill and freaks. Hoax is pretty much up to here with her fire and brimstone, so she’s got to go. Then he writes a bunch of anti-church stuff all over the walls. I’ll give him this, his handwriting is nicely legible.

976-Evil

A final confrontation between Hoax and his dreaded cousin Spike makes the house fall apart to reveal a pit leading straight to Japan. Or Hell. If you’re not evil, go to Japan. If you’re evil, then go to Hell.

976-Evil

Hoax is played by Stephen Geoffrys and is the same character he played as Evil Ed in Fright Night (1985). All of 976-Evil’s (1988) gore and violence is done off-screen, which is surprising given that Robert EnglundFreddy Krueger himself – directed this horror-lite butt toffee. So when evil calls, hang up on it.

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