Giant Snakes Are So Constricting

Python II

Eighty-five foot digital snakes that growl like lions are almost as stupid as the actors that appear in “horror” movies (Python II / 2002) such as these. How they live with themselves is beyond me. How I live myself for watching movies like this is beyond me.

Python II

A military cargo plane heads back from Russia after capturing Monty Python and putting him into a steel box. Yes, the plane is shot down. Yes, the snake escapes. Yes, somebody wants to try and recapture it. And yes, they get swallowed and spit on for their efforts.

Python II

A U.S. covert operation infiltrates Russia (!) and, with the help of an unemployed baseball player who now drives a cargo truck (he was fired for beaning a guy with a baseball, nearly killing him), goes to retrieve the reptile for military applications, such as swallowing and spitting.

Python II

So, as it turns out, there are two snakes. A preemptive air strike was pre-planned (damn, that’s redundant) in the event the cargo couldn’t be contained, and everyone not yet eaten by the Wonder Worm has to get out of the military complex they’re trapped in before being bombed with bombs. You know who survives, you know who dies, you know what’s coming next: Ass Cobra: Feel the Squeeze.

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