Cannibalistic Ghost Moose

The Last Winter

Global warming with a twist – it’s not the toxic greenhouse gases leaking up from thawing permafrost that’s causing an oil drilling advance team in Alaska to walk naked into a sub-zero midnight snow storm, but the mythical Wendigo, a cannibalistic ghost moose. And all this time we’ve been buying into the lies of scientists. Damn conservatives.

The Last Winter

Begrudgingly working alongside of hippies, uh, I mean, Greenpeace™ type environmentalists, Ed Pollock, a tough-talking leader of a drilling base in the de-cooling Arctic, needs massive equipment delivered, but ice roads can’t be constructed due to the ground being all warm ’n fuzzy. The environmentalist won’t sign off on letting the gear to be brought in because it’ll damage the Tundra. That’s like saying you won’t go outside because the wind will mess up your hair.

The Last Winter

While that battle rages on, a team member is beginning to freak out over incessant noises, mysterious tracks, out-of-nowhere windstorms, and ghostly visions of cannibal ghost moose running around like they own the place. This culminates in the taking off of clothes and wandering out into the frozen night.

The Last WinterThe next morning victim #1’s footprints lead 15 feet from the building, then disappear as if having been given a lift from a passing cannibal moose. His body was found miles away with the eyes picked out by crows. (Note: Since it’s so globally-warm in Alaska, birds can hang out up there and eat all the delicious snow/eyeballs they want.)

The Last Winter

A rescue plane doesn’t fare much better, with a less-than-textbook landing into the drilling station. More than one are burned alive, which means BBQ buffet for the birds. The team captain and hippie, uh, environmentalist take off on a snowmobile (or “Ski-doo™”) to get help. They find none. Then the Ski-doo™ pulls a doo-doo and conks out. Then the Wendigos arrive to gore you with their antlers of death and hooves of doom.

The Last Winter

The Last Winter (2006) has a good creepy build-up of events, some nicely-enunciated swearing, and a cheery dread that something is out there in the show that has the potential to eat your snowshoes off from the knee down. Too bad the Wendigos were computer graphics, though. Would’ve been nice to see a real one for once.

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